What is it like to be a woman or girl? What is it like to be a single parent? What is it like to be a queer mother? What is it like to be a combination of all 3 in our country Uganda? Does gender matter in the upbringing of a child?

We have grown up in an environment which subjects women and girls to submission. Cultural and religious norms all preach that narrative and many of us are captive to that. Being a single parent was also seen as an abomination and is still looked at that way in some areas of the country. Being queer is regarded a grave sin to many thus identifying as all 3 opens one up to triple marginalisation.

Queer parenting comes with much more challenges and lessons. Many times we end up shouting loud all alone behind closed doors. Wiping inner and outer tears all alone. Many queer mothers have inner wounds because of either how they came to be mothers or the questions they have no answers to.

Many queer parents have chosen to bury their souls in marriages because they feel safe from the troubles of this judgemental world. Many are silent because they have no one to talk to. Our mental health is at stake. Many times, this ends up in single parenting leaving us to fulfil duties for both parents.

We are victims of internalised oppression because of the criticisms we face. Making us question our decisions as well as ourselves.  The emotional demands that come with parenting many times drag us down and because of the fear of the unknown, we often choose to go with the available options where we can hide.

In most cases we’re left with the duty to raise our child/ren alone and which comes with many challenges because we not only have to physically or emotionally raise the kid/s but there are also great financial costs attached. Some children have lost one of their parents after the discovery that one of their parents is queer- many mothers and fathers will walk from their queer partner and not even look back to cater for their children. If they choose to take care of the children, they will force you to cut all contact with them. With the legal procedures in our country, we tend to keep silent because of our sexual orientation which our hetero partners often use against us. We can all imagine the pain that comes with separating you with your child/ren.

We are often judged and sometimes, we judge ourselves too. We breathe but for the most part we feel like we are at death’s edge. We smile but within us we’re suffocating. We are confused and afraid of what the future will bring yet amidst all this, we must stay strong for our children.

Queer parenting, for many, results into stress, depression and mental illness. The hate and discrimination we face from our friends, families and the communities we live in and the judgement we encounter leaves many in an unstable state.

Many children have been brought into this world by lesbians, bisexuals, queer women, and transgender persons. With the cultural, social and religious norms in our homophobic country, our children have a lot to process when they discover their parents’ sexuality. Many have gone through discrimination and bullying from other children which leads to psychological torture for their young minds.

The time is now to take our position as queer mothers because just like any other parent, the safety and happiness of our children is priority. Our strength will help our children to boldly stand and defend us, now and in the future.  They don’t deserve to be torture or discriminated against because of their parent’s sexuality.

GRATEFUL TO MY MOCKER

Disgusting I look to you. It’s all manifesting in your eyes.

Sinful and spoilt many claim I am. Shaming to motherhood many say.

Undressing me with mean words you throw at me daily.

With your Holy tongue as you claim, you pierce my heart.

Making me feel like digging my own grave every time I pass by you.

How more painful it feels when all these insult come from a Woman,

Sister, Mother like me.

Oh, how grateful that you came my way. How thankful I am to u my mocker for your hurtful words.

It’s because of you that I can now stand firmly as a Queer mother.

It’s because of you that I rediscovered my voice.

Because of you, I get the strength to live happily each new day.

From then, I learnt to embrace the hate in your eyes and hearts

Am strong and Loud today because of you.

Thank you my Mocker….

WM